Hi. I’m Toby and I live in Gastonia. G-town is Georgetown, correct?

Yer durn tootin’ it is. There has been a recent rash of G-town sightings around here, and Gastonia is nowhere near Georgetown.

Say it … G-town. Do you know how Jerry Springerish that sounds? Need I break it down and explain it to you? Think of the color that rhymes with fed and the part of the body that rhymes with dreck. Dreck is an appropriate word in this case, you know. Bat guano even more so.

I love Gastonia. I’ve lived here almost 5.5 years now and intend to stay here a lot longer. Yep, we’ve got problems, but doesn’t everybody? (That Life in Gastonia Web site, by the way, is worth a few minutes of your time.) I wish our Gastonia police cars were more attractive. They can be very easily; paint and some letters would do the trick. I wish our merchants could utilize electronic marquees  (and I bet they wish they could, too). The Schiele Museum was allowed to put one up out front and the world hasn’t come to an end yet, has it, City Council? Electronic marquees can be found in Dallas and Shelby and there have been no problems reported there. I’d rather see an attractive electronic sign than one with plastic letters that require the merchant to play cryptic word games with the viewer. And … what possible problems could there be with a gas station showing its gas prices in electronic digits? Progress? Methinks there are people in our city unable to spell the word “progress” … wonder if anyone running for office could win on a platform of “regress”? I’m sure there are those who would vote for that just to remain ensconsed and buried in the 1950s. I get that feeling when I pass through parts of Franklin Boulevard, or Tattooland, known by some as downtown Gastonia.

I think I’d rather see an attractive tombstone sign at the entrance to a shopping center than one with 58 tenants’ names that are hard to read unless you’re stuck in traffic. Six or seven major ones, yes, but not the whole center. That sort of thing was done 30 years ago.

It’s not 30 years ago, city leaders. It’s 2009. Let’s do some simple things to make it look that way. I like that electronic billboard on I-85 just past the McAdenville exit. Attractive. It can be changed when needed. Gastonia could do with some of those.

And as for G-town? Why don’t you ask the folks in Georgetown … because that G-town nonsense is just … well, bat guano.

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